Things moving forward part II

So, I found a great guy. Happens to be a guitarist as well. Happens to be interested in what I'm doing. I couldn't be happier!

I actually knew him beforehand, we studied music at the same time. We've also collaborated before in the contemporary music field.

He's helping me now to make some demos, which I can then use to attract players. I chose two mostly ready songs: Acid Rain and Good People. We already tried some vocals and solo guitar parts on Acid Rain. I think he's one of those few people who can listen to a piece of crappy midi-music, and hear what it could be like.

Yesss!

Powerlessness/ Liberation

Had an excellent conversation about very much philosophical stuff...

What I've been pondering about lately, is the incredibly dark, crazy direction this world is taking a course to, and the powerlessness, the cynical hopelessness and the deep sadness I feel as a result of seeing it. It's beginning to show in my lyrics increasingly, side by side with themes of personal trouble and brokenness.

So much is happening in this world that is insane and outright evil. Decisions get made behind our backs, information is kept from us, and we are led to our doom like lambs to the slaughter. There's so much we should change but too few people really willing to do it. We are comfortable, we live cozy lives, not really caring about the impending doom. So long as it is not us suffering, we don't really care. But if we do, the powerlessness gets us.

The tide of bad news everyday is just overwhelming. It's nigh impossible to keep up with what's going on and not drown into hopelessness. "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" sums it up for me quite well. That might be why most people choose not to keep up and think for themselves, but choose to live their comfy lives in ignorance and in their small circles. They choose peaceful slavery. The easy choice. Because the feeling of powerlessness is such a huge wall, impossible to climb over, impossible to penetrate.

But one can choose the other. One can choose to change something. Maybe the key to liberation lies in the very fact that however much one person tries, it is impossible to change everything that is wrong in this world. We can however, choose something to change and get other people behind it. That's how great changes have happened in this world. That's how great people have emerged. They were people who chose their battles according to their passions. Of course, evil things like imposing totalitarian rule on everybody can also be someone's passion (and we know for a fact that it has been) but that's a whole other matter...

The lights shine in the darkness

General Stuff, I Guess

I'm going on a music camp to teach this coming week. I'm supposed to lead the choir and maybe some band stuff too. To prepare, I chose a number of motets from the 16th and 17th century. Nothing too complicated, since it takes time to get the singers to "sync", musically and socially as well. For band practice I chose some classics, and a few songs from the alternative section, namely The Cure and Radiohead. I have a duty to introduce the young generation to some good music!

The motets remind me of one thing I have been pondering about: Choir in the context of Goth-music. If I really get to record the songs I have written for Hateful Chains, I want it to be perfect.  Meaning actual choir recorded in a church or some other environment that brings out the best from human voices. Most of the choir sounds in the songs are intended to be played with the synth and so they are not trying to be authentic or mimicking the actual human voice. I also usually combine the choir sound with strings or something else, so it's even further. There are some sections, however, that need the special feels, the atmosphere, that only genuine humans and great acoustics can bring out.

The best example of what kind of stuff I have in mind would be Sisters of Mercy's This Corrosion. The beginning of this song is just marvelous: A fateful forte passage, a sudden diminuendo in the second part, and then the song kicks in with full power. Yeah, I have a classic training so this is how I tend to describe music... But it seems that some careful thought and arrangement has been done to acquire this result. Interestingly, the choir part seems to have been recorded with only a handful of people, as one can see from the album credits.

I still have a lot of friends, namely classically trained singers in my old school, from which I graduated just recently. It wouldn't be much of a problem to gather a choir, even a big one. Except that male voices are much harder to find than female. There seems to be at least three sopranos to one bass or tenor these days. But the town I live in is big enough to find these voices with a little effort and asking around. Also, with good arrangement I could use a wider spectrum of singers, not necessarily all classically trained.

There are also three big churches around in this town that have great acoustics, and a few smaller ones. Again, by asking around I might be able to get one even for free, or for a small rent. The churches have different policies regarding the use of their facilities and equipment. If I could somehow make this a study project for the singers, it might be easier to get the space. That way I could also compensate the singers by giving them studying credits.

I have a few connections in the music technology section of the school as well, willing to help. That would cover the recording process and editing. Or, if they can't help, they might know someone who can. There's always a way. I just need to find the one that works. But that's the hard part, me thinks.

Things moving forward

A Facebook friend of mine, a guitarist offered to record some tracks. I sent him two songs to listen to. I'm quite anxiously waiting for what he has to say. The thing is, of course, that I'm not a guitarist myself, as I explained earlier, so I can't naturally hear/see whether something is easy or difficult to play. I'll leave it to him to comment and make suggestions.

If he records the guitars I'll be one step closer to releasing an actual demo, with which I can possibly attract players from my region. Of course, he could be the guitarist but he lives in another city, 500 km east. Training would be scarce, nearly impossible. And expensive.

On another matter: Everyone on social media is showing off their support for gay marriage, now that the U.S has finally passed the law to legalize it. It's all good and fine, I'm happy for those who can now marry their sweethearts, make a public commitment to them and have the same legal rights as the rest of us. I just got tired of the hype already. It must be just my cynicism and general hatred of humankind, because of course it's a cause for celebration, but I get the feeling that most people just ride on this holy horse of supporting a thing they actually couldn't care less about. "Look at me! I support these rights too! I'm a good person, and at least I'm not a biggot!". Good for you.

It's the same phenomenon whether it's human rights issues, environmental issues, ethical issues or any other issue you are expected to have an opinion about. You can also see it in fashion and all other trends that surface every once in a while. It's this herd behaviour that I get sick from.  How many of us actually formed our opinions based on facts and not on what everyone else is doing? How many of us actually thought it through before spewing out an opinion? How many of us can actually say that hes/her opinion is one of hes/her own?  Most of us don't have that honour, and I include myself in that.

I always hate it when I see signs of this herd behavior in me. I hate it even more when I catch myself from being self-righteous, thinking that at least I don't do the things they do. At least I'm a good person. Because I have the same trendy opinion than all the others around me. And I show it on Facebook.

So I wrote a song about it a while ago, one of the two songs I just sent to the guitarist willing to record. Here's the chorus:

And we laugh and we laugh

until we choke

and we want to cry

but the tears won't show

and everything bad

is someone else's fault

'cause we are good people

we're such good people

How to find band members?

That's the question that has been  bugging me for a while now. I've tried to find players through several channels, on a musicians' wanted-page, asking around through friends, all that. It doesn't seem to work out.

I suspect that this genre is one reason. It's just not big enough to attract people. All genres of metal are widely popular where I live but Goth isn't such a thing. Often Goth gets confused with metal, especially Gothic Metal (You know, Nightwish, Lacuna Coil and the likes) because the aesthetics are much alike. Most people here who dress goth don't necessarily listen to any "real" or original Goth bands. So it's hard to find guitarists for example, who'd understand what I'm stylistically looking for.

I asked a guitar player to try and join, if she likes the music. She tried but then said that the music is too depressing. But I got to know some cool people through her. We had one rehearsal- or should I say try out-session together and then they all said they didn't feel like this music was for them. Such a shame! So now it's still only me and the drummer, who actually is my brother by the way. Usually good bands are formed with friends and the music evolves from playing together. It's really difficult the other way around, having the music but no players. Well, I have brothers and friends but they live far away or bands are not their cup of tea...

To find people that would actually enjoy playing this kind of music: this dark, pessimistic, melancholic rock, that stylistically looks back to Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, Fields of the Nephilim, all those Gothic landmarks... To find those people there has to be a way. So I've decided that I'm going to put together two or three songs and record demos of them at my other brother's studio. I'm able to do vocals and keyboards, maybe even some of the guitars, and the drummerbrother will do the drums, of course. Then we'll put these demos out there, to Soundcloud for example, and restart the lookout for players. It's going to be much easier for any interested players to decide whether this is for them, or not.

This process is actually already started. I have completed two of the three intended songs on paper and in LMMS, with vocals and lyrics and everything. Now I just need to schedule and plan the recording sessions. I hope this will happen at the end of this summer...

The Cycle

My life is made of seasons, an on-going cycle of highs and lows that can significantly affect my creative processes. Recently I wrote a diary to reflect on just that phenomenon and to maybe find out what's behind it. When I started I thought the cycle was closely linked to all kinds of projects I'm working on. More specifically I thought the lows were due to projects ending and not having a new one in sight. While writing I realized that wasn't the whole truth of the matter.

I think there are several factors that influence the occurrence of these fluctuations. Projects ending is just one of them. The other obviously significant factor is everything that is happening in my personal life: relationships, work, social networks, money-issues... everything that creates stress and eats away of my creative capacity. On the other hand, when everything is stable and working out, there's more room for creativity.

Then there's the hormonal cycle. I'm not kidding, and not claiming it's the same for every woman out there. Some people even say there's no such thing as PMS. For me it's physical reality. Physical in the sense that not only my emotional state, but also vigor and strength varies in accordance of the hormonal cycle. Some days before and during menses I feel exhausted and slow. At the beginning of the new cycle I feel energetic and powerful.

The hormonal cycle is a normal part of life and it doesn't affect me in the extent of incapacitating me. The hardships of personal life are a normal matter too. Of course sometimes those hardships are the trigger to a low-season, especially if there are many problems adding up. But if the low continues and starts to incapacitate, there's a problem.

What I realized when writing the diary, was that my ups and lows might be an independent cycle. Sometimes the downs are triggered by something, sometimes they just appear out of nowhere. Getting up from a low takes time and there's not much I can do about it, except rest. During a low I'm able to perform the normal tasks of life, work and house keeping, but I don't have the energy to socialize or to create anything new. On the contrary, when at the highest point, there's no stopping me. New ideas form in my head, new projects start, old ones keep going at a steady pace.

The cycle is manifest not only in creativity but also in my emotional state. It's quite obvious: When up, I'm joyful, energetic, even restless. When down, I'm depressed and not able to enjoy much of anything. It's starting to sound like manic-depression, or bi-polar disorder... But I don't think it's that serious for me, at least not yet. What worries me though, is that the low- periods seem to last longer than before, and longer every time.

 I've been in the low for a long time now, and an all time low at that. But gradually I'm seeing signs of liberation. Some new ideas, some rays of sun light, some inspiration from friends and colleagues. I think I'm getting there...

It's my keyboard, Korg Trinity

An idea about a riff started playing in my head, so I wrote it down. I like to use the same structure The Cure often uses in it's songs, in Pictures of you for example. In this song the elements and sounds are gradually introduced, and only until they are all present, do the vocals and verse kick in.
This allows for a simple song to last longer, and for the listener to get into the mood.

I've been using this structure a lot lately, but I think it would need a twist of some kind for it to work for me: a modulation, a sudden change, a break even. Anyway, it's a good basic way to write ideas down. Once I've written the guitar -part, the strings/synth just appear naturally alongside it in the next cycle. Brains... They never cease to amaze me.

Of course, this is just the start of a new song. Just the first idea. It might get buried for a long time. it might also start looping in my head and gather new material. It might tell me what it's about, and start forming lyrics. Or some lyrics I already have might be just right for it. You never know.

For writing down I use mostly pen and paper with musical lines, aka sheets. It's the fastest way for me. Also useful is notation software. I currently use Muse score, because it's free. When working further on a song I use a tracker software, namely LMMS, (because it's free). Some might think it funny to use this kind of software, but I think it's a practical way of presenting the general idea of a song to other band members, current and possible ones. Also because I'm not very much of a guitar player.

Isn't this dead tree just magnificent?

The Start

This is a blog to record the forming of a Goth-band and it's journey,  from the start. I've had this on my mind for some time now, and decided it's time to do something about it. In this blog I want to write about music, playing, band-life, song-writing, vision things, and all the things about this process in general. I want to share this experience with you.

So why Goth?

I listen to a wide variety of music style-wise, all the way from Classical music (especially from the romantic era to contemporary composers) to some very popular pop-, and rock-bands. Good music is good music, what ever the genre. One can feel the emotional energy of the players in good music.

But what appeals to me in Gothic music in particular, is it's esthetics, musically, visually and emotionally too. There's some odd mystery to the ears in it's slightly off- guitar sounds, it's danceable rhythms, mourning synths and vocals. There's some dark energy in it, however joyful the song, that is unique to it, and that few other genres can grasp or express.

It seems this energy is a part of me, a part I can't escape. It just comes out of me, one way or the other. The lyrics I write are sad, or gloomy, sometimes to the degree of being cynical. Sometimes they appear to be on the bright side of life, but then there's a dark twist to it. What could be a more suitable genre than Goth?

The problem with this underground music style is that it's hard to find players. At this state there's me (vocals, synths, song-writing) and a drummer. He is a real person, not a machine, as has been the case for some Goth-bands. There have been a few people who joined in, and then decided this wasn't their thing. Now I intend to put up some adds over the internet, musicians' sites in particular, and see if it comes to anything.

 Might be that it'll work out, might be that it won't. If I don't try, I'll never find out.