Powerlessness/ Liberation

Had an excellent conversation about very much philosophical stuff...

What I've been pondering about lately, is the incredibly dark, crazy direction this world is taking a course to, and the powerlessness, the cynical hopelessness and the deep sadness I feel as a result of seeing it. It's beginning to show in my lyrics increasingly, side by side with themes of personal trouble and brokenness.

So much is happening in this world that is insane and outright evil. Decisions get made behind our backs, information is kept from us, and we are led to our doom like lambs to the slaughter. There's so much we should change but too few people really willing to do it. We are comfortable, we live cozy lives, not really caring about the impending doom. So long as it is not us suffering, we don't really care. But if we do, the powerlessness gets us.

The tide of bad news everyday is just overwhelming. It's nigh impossible to keep up with what's going on and not drown into hopelessness. "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" sums it up for me quite well. That might be why most people choose not to keep up and think for themselves, but choose to live their comfy lives in ignorance and in their small circles. They choose peaceful slavery. The easy choice. Because the feeling of powerlessness is such a huge wall, impossible to climb over, impossible to penetrate.

But one can choose the other. One can choose to change something. Maybe the key to liberation lies in the very fact that however much one person tries, it is impossible to change everything that is wrong in this world. We can however, choose something to change and get other people behind it. That's how great changes have happened in this world. That's how great people have emerged. They were people who chose their battles according to their passions. Of course, evil things like imposing totalitarian rule on everybody can also be someone's passion (and we know for a fact that it has been) but that's a whole other matter...

The lights shine in the darkness

General Stuff, I Guess

I'm going on a music camp to teach this coming week. I'm supposed to lead the choir and maybe some band stuff too. To prepare, I chose a number of motets from the 16th and 17th century. Nothing too complicated, since it takes time to get the singers to "sync", musically and socially as well. For band practice I chose some classics, and a few songs from the alternative section, namely The Cure and Radiohead. I have a duty to introduce the young generation to some good music!

The motets remind me of one thing I have been pondering about: Choir in the context of Goth-music. If I really get to record the songs I have written for Hateful Chains, I want it to be perfect.  Meaning actual choir recorded in a church or some other environment that brings out the best from human voices. Most of the choir sounds in the songs are intended to be played with the synth and so they are not trying to be authentic or mimicking the actual human voice. I also usually combine the choir sound with strings or something else, so it's even further. There are some sections, however, that need the special feels, the atmosphere, that only genuine humans and great acoustics can bring out.

The best example of what kind of stuff I have in mind would be Sisters of Mercy's This Corrosion. The beginning of this song is just marvelous: A fateful forte passage, a sudden diminuendo in the second part, and then the song kicks in with full power. Yeah, I have a classic training so this is how I tend to describe music... But it seems that some careful thought and arrangement has been done to acquire this result. Interestingly, the choir part seems to have been recorded with only a handful of people, as one can see from the album credits.

I still have a lot of friends, namely classically trained singers in my old school, from which I graduated just recently. It wouldn't be much of a problem to gather a choir, even a big one. Except that male voices are much harder to find than female. There seems to be at least three sopranos to one bass or tenor these days. But the town I live in is big enough to find these voices with a little effort and asking around. Also, with good arrangement I could use a wider spectrum of singers, not necessarily all classically trained.

There are also three big churches around in this town that have great acoustics, and a few smaller ones. Again, by asking around I might be able to get one even for free, or for a small rent. The churches have different policies regarding the use of their facilities and equipment. If I could somehow make this a study project for the singers, it might be easier to get the space. That way I could also compensate the singers by giving them studying credits.

I have a few connections in the music technology section of the school as well, willing to help. That would cover the recording process and editing. Or, if they can't help, they might know someone who can. There's always a way. I just need to find the one that works. But that's the hard part, me thinks.

Things moving forward

A Facebook friend of mine, a guitarist offered to record some tracks. I sent him two songs to listen to. I'm quite anxiously waiting for what he has to say. The thing is, of course, that I'm not a guitarist myself, as I explained earlier, so I can't naturally hear/see whether something is easy or difficult to play. I'll leave it to him to comment and make suggestions.

If he records the guitars I'll be one step closer to releasing an actual demo, with which I can possibly attract players from my region. Of course, he could be the guitarist but he lives in another city, 500 km east. Training would be scarce, nearly impossible. And expensive.

On another matter: Everyone on social media is showing off their support for gay marriage, now that the U.S has finally passed the law to legalize it. It's all good and fine, I'm happy for those who can now marry their sweethearts, make a public commitment to them and have the same legal rights as the rest of us. I just got tired of the hype already. It must be just my cynicism and general hatred of humankind, because of course it's a cause for celebration, but I get the feeling that most people just ride on this holy horse of supporting a thing they actually couldn't care less about. "Look at me! I support these rights too! I'm a good person, and at least I'm not a biggot!". Good for you.

It's the same phenomenon whether it's human rights issues, environmental issues, ethical issues or any other issue you are expected to have an opinion about. You can also see it in fashion and all other trends that surface every once in a while. It's this herd behaviour that I get sick from.  How many of us actually formed our opinions based on facts and not on what everyone else is doing? How many of us actually thought it through before spewing out an opinion? How many of us can actually say that hes/her opinion is one of hes/her own?  Most of us don't have that honour, and I include myself in that.

I always hate it when I see signs of this herd behavior in me. I hate it even more when I catch myself from being self-righteous, thinking that at least I don't do the things they do. At least I'm a good person. Because I have the same trendy opinion than all the others around me. And I show it on Facebook.

So I wrote a song about it a while ago, one of the two songs I just sent to the guitarist willing to record. Here's the chorus:

And we laugh and we laugh

until we choke

and we want to cry

but the tears won't show

and everything bad

is someone else's fault

'cause we are good people

we're such good people

How to find band members?

That's the question that has been  bugging me for a while now. I've tried to find players through several channels, on a musicians' wanted-page, asking around through friends, all that. It doesn't seem to work out.

I suspect that this genre is one reason. It's just not big enough to attract people. All genres of metal are widely popular where I live but Goth isn't such a thing. Often Goth gets confused with metal, especially Gothic Metal (You know, Nightwish, Lacuna Coil and the likes) because the aesthetics are much alike. Most people here who dress goth don't necessarily listen to any "real" or original Goth bands. So it's hard to find guitarists for example, who'd understand what I'm stylistically looking for.

I asked a guitar player to try and join, if she likes the music. She tried but then said that the music is too depressing. But I got to know some cool people through her. We had one rehearsal- or should I say try out-session together and then they all said they didn't feel like this music was for them. Such a shame! So now it's still only me and the drummer, who actually is my brother by the way. Usually good bands are formed with friends and the music evolves from playing together. It's really difficult the other way around, having the music but no players. Well, I have brothers and friends but they live far away or bands are not their cup of tea...

To find people that would actually enjoy playing this kind of music: this dark, pessimistic, melancholic rock, that stylistically looks back to Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, Fields of the Nephilim, all those Gothic landmarks... To find those people there has to be a way. So I've decided that I'm going to put together two or three songs and record demos of them at my other brother's studio. I'm able to do vocals and keyboards, maybe even some of the guitars, and the drummerbrother will do the drums, of course. Then we'll put these demos out there, to Soundcloud for example, and restart the lookout for players. It's going to be much easier for any interested players to decide whether this is for them, or not.

This process is actually already started. I have completed two of the three intended songs on paper and in LMMS, with vocals and lyrics and everything. Now I just need to schedule and plan the recording sessions. I hope this will happen at the end of this summer...